The past is a important part of us, its what makes us who we are. Someones past shows others what they have the capicity to do and to a degree though lesser what they dont have the capacity to od. It gives you a glimpse into the person over a extended period of time and what they are like, its far more accurate a representation then a single act or even talking to someone.
People like to complain that you shouldnt hold someone to or judge someone based on their past, but that makes no sense. Jobs ask for your past work expereince, wedding commitments are made becuase of hte past success of the relationship, friendships survive hard times becuase of the strong basis in their past. The past has more effect on the present usualy THEN THE PRESENT itself.
We are not only who we are but more strongly we are what we were and what we did. People who are unaccepting of this, people who want a constant "fresh start" people who dont want to be judged because of what they did in the past make no sense and frighten me. These are the people who are expecting to be let away with what ever they do simply after some time has passed. People change yes, but you know what? people change SOME and SOMETIMES not always and not completly. A man who has never done drugs and never smoked or drank might in a few years become a drug using drunk, but he might not and no one would be supprised. How ever if you took a heroin addict and a slut she might change in af ew years and be clean and monogomis but unlike the man its KNOWN that she has the potential in her and that she did it previous.
Saying that you should treat both of them in the same manner is just...stupid. I'm sorry but i'm going to be careful around registered sex offenders, i'm going to be hesitint before i lend my friend who never paid me back any money, and i'm going to think twice before i get into a relaitonship with a woman who cheated on her last boyfriend...
The past is WHO WE ARE...it should be held against us because its what we did.
People make mistakes...but that dosnt mean its forgiven and whiped under the carpet, i know i dont expect any forgivness or ignoring of my life...afterall i did it
4/8/08
4/7/08
why cant people be forward with you
I dont expect many people to understand the next post and righ tnow i dont care, i'm doing this to vent more then anytyhing.
I play world of warcraft, its a fairly competative game but i try to stay away from that aspect of it (now at least). I joined a big guild that raids (thats the competative stuff) but i was told i wouldnt have to that i could be there just as friendsof people. Then 4 days later i get kicked because "your not showing enough promise" First off i'm not a raider it says so on my note i'm there as a friend and I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THIS WAS OK, second off i was given a chance ONCE to show how good i was and they told me i did fine, third i put forth more effort and spent more money and was more serious then half the fucking guild on my one attempt.
I think this wouldnt piss me off so much except i JUST woke up from having a fucking dream where i was a mess and crying over not being good enough and having no personal freinds. I wake up already feeling lonely and like crap and then see this shit happen. instead of being fucking honest they just kick me for no fucking reason and then try to blame it on me. Just like lisa fucking tried to blame all her actions on me.
For TWO YEARS she treated me like crap and made me feel like the devil because i didnt trust her and thought she was cheating on me, for TWO YEARS she taught me i was the wrong person and that i needed to get over it. And then i find out the ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP she had been lying on me and doing exactly what i thought she was doing.
How can you people live with yourselves? How can you go about your lives lieing to people who love you and who you say you love? How can you be so fucking selfish and callious? HOW SHORT SIGHTED AND SELF CENTERED CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE?!
I would never wish harm upon a person...its not my place in the world and i dont feel i have the right, but i do hope these people who hurt other peopels feelings, these people who are self centered and callous, these people who are hypocrits, and these people who live their lives on ignorance and lies...i hope these people get whats comming to them...even though i know they wont.
I hate everyone...i realy do...and i'm getting so very very tired of trying to stay nice and hopeful
I play world of warcraft, its a fairly competative game but i try to stay away from that aspect of it (now at least). I joined a big guild that raids (thats the competative stuff) but i was told i wouldnt have to that i could be there just as friendsof people. Then 4 days later i get kicked because "your not showing enough promise" First off i'm not a raider it says so on my note i'm there as a friend and I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THIS WAS OK, second off i was given a chance ONCE to show how good i was and they told me i did fine, third i put forth more effort and spent more money and was more serious then half the fucking guild on my one attempt.
I think this wouldnt piss me off so much except i JUST woke up from having a fucking dream where i was a mess and crying over not being good enough and having no personal freinds. I wake up already feeling lonely and like crap and then see this shit happen. instead of being fucking honest they just kick me for no fucking reason and then try to blame it on me. Just like lisa fucking tried to blame all her actions on me.
For TWO YEARS she treated me like crap and made me feel like the devil because i didnt trust her and thought she was cheating on me, for TWO YEARS she taught me i was the wrong person and that i needed to get over it. And then i find out the ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP she had been lying on me and doing exactly what i thought she was doing.
How can you people live with yourselves? How can you go about your lives lieing to people who love you and who you say you love? How can you be so fucking selfish and callious? HOW SHORT SIGHTED AND SELF CENTERED CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE?!
I would never wish harm upon a person...its not my place in the world and i dont feel i have the right, but i do hope these people who hurt other peopels feelings, these people who are self centered and callous, these people who are hypocrits, and these people who live their lives on ignorance and lies...i hope these people get whats comming to them...even though i know they wont.
I hate everyone...i realy do...and i'm getting so very very tired of trying to stay nice and hopeful
Hmm
I've been feeling, worthless lately and lonely but not realy depressed. My friend steph has cancer and shes in the hospital right now, she will be out but...i've been worrying about her so much.
I cant walk for more then 5 or 10 minutes before my back starts realy hurting, my room smells and the dishes arnt done, i just dont care to clean it, i do maybe once a week (and this is a huge change from hwo i used to be, it used to be maybe once a month) but i feel like its pointless, i do it more becuase i get realy upset and depress and do it then.
my moms still going to be in the hospital for at least another 2 weeks, i'm out of food and even selling gold in wow i'm nearly out of, i can order pizza once maybe twice more, that will get me 5 days worth of food at best, i think i still have enough food other then that for about a week.
Still i dunno, i'm starting to resent my mom again witch is wierd, i havnt felt anoyed with her in YEARS but now i'm starting to feel like...why dont i get any help?
my sisters a heroin addict and my grandmother and mom are constantly helping her go here or there, givign her money, paying for her to get help in the hospital. My moms always going in and out of the hospital and rehab, grandmother helps her pay for her meds and everything, butwhen ever i bring up myself when ever i say how i feel or that i feel suicidal they just tell me "well quit it" or "i'm sorry"
why do i get treated worse and with less care then a heroin addict? I'm trying very hard to not feel this way, and right now its just a mild anoyance anyways...but i'm worried and a little scared about feeling it stronger as time goes on, i dont want to feel that way, i dont want to get mad about it.
hope everyone has a good night
I cant walk for more then 5 or 10 minutes before my back starts realy hurting, my room smells and the dishes arnt done, i just dont care to clean it, i do maybe once a week (and this is a huge change from hwo i used to be, it used to be maybe once a month) but i feel like its pointless, i do it more becuase i get realy upset and depress and do it then.
my moms still going to be in the hospital for at least another 2 weeks, i'm out of food and even selling gold in wow i'm nearly out of, i can order pizza once maybe twice more, that will get me 5 days worth of food at best, i think i still have enough food other then that for about a week.
Still i dunno, i'm starting to resent my mom again witch is wierd, i havnt felt anoyed with her in YEARS but now i'm starting to feel like...why dont i get any help?
my sisters a heroin addict and my grandmother and mom are constantly helping her go here or there, givign her money, paying for her to get help in the hospital. My moms always going in and out of the hospital and rehab, grandmother helps her pay for her meds and everything, butwhen ever i bring up myself when ever i say how i feel or that i feel suicidal they just tell me "well quit it" or "i'm sorry"
why do i get treated worse and with less care then a heroin addict? I'm trying very hard to not feel this way, and right now its just a mild anoyance anyways...but i'm worried and a little scared about feeling it stronger as time goes on, i dont want to feel that way, i dont want to get mad about it.
hope everyone has a good night
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